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Relationship advice: Can I date my friend's ex?

By: Gabriel Ramirez

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Posted by gabe Tue Nov 30, 1999 00:00:00 PST
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Dear Gabe,
I was wondering how much time should go by before I can date my friend’s ex?
Sincerely,
Waiting

Dear Waiting,
Wow! Slow down and stop waiting. I don’t think it is cool for you to be thinking about dating your friend’s ex! I think you are only thinking of yourself and not about how uncomfortable that might make your friend feel. If your friend was truly OK with you dating his/her ex, then you would not be asking how long you should wait. Don’t you think this could be a major blow to your friendship? Wake up! It will be harsh and wrong of you to do that.
Don’t do it,
Gabe

Dear Gabe,
With the holidays just around the corner, what can my girlfriend and I do for fun? We are getting tired of the same old watching a movie style dates. Can you help?
Sincerely,
What to do?

Dear What to do?
I love this question because I just recently wrote about one thing going on this winter that would be good for you and your girlfriend. First off, let me say I am a huge fan of movies and could watch them all the time, but you do need to add variety to your dates. One thing going on this December is the “HolidayLights @ CALM.” What better way to spend an evening than with your loved one on a cool starry night, surrounded by 2 million lights and some hot chocolate? The CALM light show runs from Dec. 16 to Dec. 23 and then again Dec. 26 to Dec. 30. And the cost equals about the price of a movie ticket. Another idea is something crafty. Think about taking your girlfriend to a crafts store and buying materials to create a wreath or some other holiday decoration which you can both call yours.
Enjoy!
Gabe

Dear Gabe,
I have been broken up with my ex for almost two months now, but somehow he keeps returning into my life. I don’t mind having him as a friend, but he always makes it hard for me to get over him. He still treats me nicely, and I just can’t help it but my old feelings for him come up. I feel like I keep falling into this trap. What can I do?
Sincerely,
Still in love

Dear Still in love,
If you are feeling like you are falling into a trap, then it seems to me that it is not really good to have your ex back in your life, even if you feel you can be friends with him. He continues to come back into your life because you are letting him. You shouldn’t feel obligated to answer his calls or talk to him. Try ignoring him, and, no, that is not a bad thing — it is for your own good. Next time he calls, send him to voicemail and then delete it without listening to it.
Move on,
Gabe

Tired of being alone? Need help making your relationship work? Or maybe you just need tips on how to get out of one. I am Gabriel Ramirez and I’ll be your helpful relationship advice columnist. I will provide you with the male perspective on relationships. All you have to do is ask. Send your questions by e-mail to
gramirez@masbakersfield.com or call (661) 716-8647.

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