Relationship Advice from Don Juan

Dear Don Juan,

I am getting married in two months, and my mother is still having trouble accepting my English-only husband to be. I grew up speaking English and Spanish, and I come from a very traditonal Hispanic family.

My parents speak Spanish and see that as a symbol of pride. My fiance grew up in the United States and doesn't speak any Spanish. My parents say his lack of Spanish means he is too Americanized and embarrassed of his culture. I love him so much and I love my family, too.  But this is tearing me apart. What can I do to help them get along?

Signed,

Monolingual love

Dear Monolingual love,

My sister went through the same situation, and it is tough. Let me start by saying you can't help who you fall in love with and it’s the job of your family and fiance to work things out.

You can help your fiance learn some Spanish, enough to convince your parents that he is really not ashamed of his culture and is willing to learn. I know this one is difficult, but you could also encourage your parents to learn some English. I understand you feel like you are in the middle of it all and you are being torn apart, but like I said before, this is something both your parents and your fiance need to work on. Of course you can help them out but they need to make an effort to get along to

make YOU happy.  Congratulations on your marriage.

Dear Don Juan,

My husband and I have been married for 20 years, and it seems like our relationship has lost its fire. Because of his upbringing (he was raised to hide emotions and work hard to support the family), he has never been one to show affection. But, lately he's been more distant, just going to work and coming home to watch TV before bed. I am a stay

at-home mother. I have a 13-year-old, 15-year-old, and 18-year-old at home. I understand he works hard, but I feel like we're just staying together for the children. He never talks to me so I have no idea where to start addressing the problem. What can I do to rekindle our relationship, if there is still one there?

Signed,

Home Alone

Dear Home Alone,

Relationship do get more complicated when children are involved, especially if the lines of communication are not there. Not all Hispanic men can show emotion. But what you can do is show him how affectionate you can be.

Sometimes letting your partner know you care can allow them to open up a bit more and share their love for you.

Think of what your husband likes to do. Does he like movies? Does he

enjoy sports? Take him out, just him and you, and talk. Get to know him once more and fall in love all over again. I know this sounds very idealistic, but take a chance and it could become reality.

If things continue to go they way they are, then you might want to seek marriage counseling. Remember, it is important for both parties to be happy in a relationship.

Dear Don Juan,

I am a 19-year-old Latina majoring in business administration in college. I am the first in my family to go to college so this has been a new and exciting experience for me.

When I first made the decision to go to college, my parents were not very supportive. As their eldest daughter, they expected me to be the first to get married and start a family. My parents came illegally to the U.S. from El Salvador and brought with them the traditions and expectations of their culture. It has been one year since I started college and my parents are once again pressuring me to get married and have a family.

I do have a boyfriend but I am more focused on my educational goals of becoming an executive at a major company. I know to accomplish this, I have to hold off on marriage and children. How do I get my parents off my back?

Signed,  On the road to dreams

Dear On the road to dreams,

Sometimes you have to be selfish and do what is best for you. In this case we both know it is your education, so go for it full force. You don't want to fall into pressure and end up married, with kids and without a career.

Parents are parents and will keep nagging at you forwhatever reason. The important thing to do is remember they can't force you to marry anyone. If you give in to their pressure it will be as much your fault as theirs. Stay focused and try and show your parents how much you are enjoying your studies and how beneficial they will be to you later on in life.

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