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Dad needs to step in & take charge of girlfriend’s needless negativity

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Dear Ay Mujer,
I’m a freshman in high school and my dad is all caught up with this woman who is 12 years younger than him. There are less years in between me and her, than her and him (sick)!

What really bothers me is that she is constantly boasting about how she is so much better than my mom — prettier, not fat (even though she is) and is loved by my dad.  I hate being around her and I’d wish she would stop publicly putting my mom down.

How do I stop this?
Frustrated mija

¡Ay chica¡
You don’t get to stop this, but take heart in the fact that “You reap what you sew.”

This is really old folk talk for — she’ll get hers y tu papá también. This mujer obviously has a very, very low sense of self. In order to feel good about herself, she needs to tear someone else down, which, in this case, that’s your mom.

Why your dad is with her is a bigger concern, but if he’s willing to tolerate such immaturity, she obviously fills some void in his life. And, when she’s unable to fill the other voids in his life that, in time, will assuredly occur with such a relationship, he’ll have to reconsider what complete meaning she brings to his life.

I predict this relationship is not long term and it’s unfortunate that he doesn’t realize the consequences of this relationship on that of his daughter. At some point, he may and it is always healthy for you — and everyone involved — to be open to reconciling old wounds. He is, after all, your dad — even though he’s misguided right now.

In the meantime, tell your dad that his girlfriend’s boasting is offensive and hurtful and that you will not be around her. Tell him you’d rather spend time with him out of her presence.

If he tells you that this isn’t possible, then you’ll have to take matters into your own hands and refuse to spend time with him. If he’s unwilling to check this mujer’s behavior for the benefit of spending time with you, then he isn’t a father of virtue and does not deserve the company of his daughter.

If it is a matter of custody and visitation, you’ll have to take it up with a minor’s counsel. It isn’t unreasonable for a child to not want or have to be tormented by an immature mujer seeking to feed her low self-esteem and hurting you in the process.

Do you need some advice? Is there a problem you’re having and you’re not sure what to do? Send your questions for Ay Mujer to:
tadamo@bakersfield.com