www.masbakersfield.com

Some of you had been wondering where I've been hiding the past few weeks and well... partly I was just really busy with my kids Little League practices/games.  This year my boys are on two different teams which means baseball LITERALLY every day except Sundays.

Baby Twinkie's team pictured here in their blue "Texas Rangers" shirts during the Porterville opening ceremonies:

Then last week we were in Vegas. But as you can see, now I'm back!

Yes, I know I was just in Vegas a few months ago. But in my opinion you can never get too much of Vegas.

Big "J", Goocher, Cabana Boy, Teen Barbie, Twinkie, Mr. Twinkie, Harley Chick, and Big Daddy pictured here in December for my birthday dinner at PF Changs:

This time around we went with a different group. And we were there for entirely different reasons.  All work, no play!

We had a very important SUPER DUPER top secret  Superheroes convention which I'm only sharing with you guys because I trust you! You CAN keep a secret right? YES... my friends and I are Superheroes working closely with the C.I.A. and FBI. Our mission this trip? To test all the alcohol in Las Vegas to make sure it wasn't poisoned.

Most of the guys including Mr. Twinkie drove out Wednesday, to set up all our super dangerous weapons and to scope our secret lair to make sure it hadn't been compromised. They were kind enough to scope out all the card tables and even "pretended" to gamble a bit so as to not arise suspicion. 

Ok so the truth is they couldn't wait to get there so they left a day early to drink and gamble the night away without us wives nagging at them that they were spending too much time gambling and not enough time telling us how beautiful we looked and buying us drinks.

Some of the girls flew there Thursday evening. Two other girls were stuck back at home finishing a very important super secret mission. The only thing I can share about that mission without having to kill you is that the weapon of choice was a #2 pencil, and lots and lots of multiple choice coded questions which if were solved could very possibly cure cancer, end world hunger and save the world. So they flew out Friday afternoon. 

Ok Ok... one of our friends is a teacher and they were doing some state testing with the kids that day.

I drove out Thursday at noon with Cabana Boy and Teen Barbie. The drive started out pretty eventful. It started in Bakersfield when Cabana Boy was getting on the HWY 58/Stockdale onramp.  We were quickly spotted by one of our Canadian nemesis, Semi Truck. Cabana Boy quickly decides he's going to have to lose him... and FAST! We threw grenades out of the windows, accidentally hitting an old lady in a Ford Pinto. It immediately caught on fire. We also hit a preacher and nun in a 17 passenger van full of orphans on their way to a free health clinic. BUT we finally managed to hit Semi Truck and thus escaped unharmed.

Ok what actually happened is that CB was on the lane that merges and turns into one lane to get onto the 58. Nobody was letting him.. bastards... The lane was ending.. so he had try to cut FAST.. he actually had no choice! so anyways.. He tries to cut in front of this Semi Truck but the semi truck had other ideas. The truck driver basically RUNS US OFF THE ROAD! Bully bastard.It was so scary. Luckily that on ramp connected with another on ramp and there were no cars on it so we went over a makeshift divider(running over those plastic cone thingies) and used that lane to drive on until someone let us on the damn ramp/freeway.  

See here? This is us, finally excited!

Don't be jealous of my MAS Magazine hat and shirt! woot woot!

We get to the hotel, I catch up with my honeyboo. We get dressed to go out to a casual dinner. Mr. Twinkie actually had spotted a brewery off the strip on his way from Boulder Station (which is where him and his friends were staying) to the Rio. So that's where we went. We were so happy to finally see each other. See here?: it's us being happy to see each other.

I was really excited to go to this brewery since I love beer, but I especially LOVE ice COLD beer. I ordered a Hefenweinzen with lemon. It tasted like they had already given it a splash of orange (YUCK too sweet for my taste) AND it wasn't ice cold. I was bitter.

See here: this is my fake "No, don't worry my beer is fine" smile!

On the way back to the room we saw Prince and so of course we stopped and chit chatted for a while then he asked for his usual kiss on the cheek. He's funny like that. One time I forgot to kiss him and he didn't talk to me for years. We barely made up during his superbowl performance.

Here we are last week kissing Prince:

The pool was closed the next day because of bad weather, but we really wanted to at least check it out. We'd seen this cabana looking things the day before and we thought it would be fun to take some pictures in it.

On the way down, Cabana Boy informs us that we should take the day to go shopping. He really wants to buy a pair of WHITE CAPRIS. For HIMSELF. ha.  We of course teast him to no end. White capris? ummmm no, I don't think so. In Porterville? And your name is (insert his real name here)? Ummm NO! In Hollywood? And your name is Matthew McCoughnehey? YES. After that he became our Cabana Boy in the white capris. Because I told him another place where they would be acceptable was a tropical Island of some sort. Serve us a drink, Cabana Boy!

You've worked really hard today, Cabana boy, go ahead and take a nap.

The free show in the Rio... let me ask you something...  Is it just me or do those people look MISEREABLE everytime they perform?

*she throws some beads out to the crowd then thinks to herself, "OH GOD, I don't get paid enough for this shit. I'd rather be working at the Crazy Horse" (one of the less "classy" strip bars in Vegas. Don't even ask how I know that. If I tell you I'll have to kill you!)

Later that night we had decided to go to the new club at the Palms, Club Moon, which connects to the Playboy Club. We walk in excited as can be. As we're walking in trying to figure out which way to go, a HOT tall blonde chick is walking our way with some dude. She's wearing a silver glittery top and showing TONS of storebought cleavage. So while we're staring at the cleavage, our friend Nacho Libre looks down for half a second, probably thinking, "what kind of man does it take to satisfy this beauty" Then he exclaims, "Vince Neil, dude!" he extends his hand out as if he just saw a long lost friend. Vince is nice enough to shake his hand, say hi to all of us. Then he's on his merry way. (I think he's a Motley Crue dude, right?)

We didn't take any pictures.. it all happened so fast nobody thought to ask to take his picture. Oh well! Whatever... moving on. After that, I'm not really sure what happened. Some of walked straight to the Ghost Bar line. Others take off for the Playboy Club line. We stayed in the Ghost bar line. Well then somehow someone decides maybe we shouldn't go there, because there was a long line. Plus there is a rumor that the cover charge is $100 per person (turns out that was just if you wanted to skip the line and go to the V.I.P. line)

 Damn! We were so close. Shit! Oh well! While everyone decides what we're gonna do I walk to the nearest bar to get a drink.  I notice a bunch of camera men. Hmmmm what's going on? I look accross the bar.. it's the Real World cast. The cast that filmed their season at the Palms a few years back. Trishell, Steven, Elton, etc.

I call Mr. Twinkie .. he tells everyone. They meet me there. I want to go up and ask if I can take a picture (hahahah) but Mr. Twinkie says, "BABE Please do NOT embarrass me." dammit! Ok fine. I won't be a Real World groupie if it bothers you that much. But then one of the guys walks away from the cameras and walks my way so I stop him real quick and get my shot! If you watch the Real World, this is the dude that was in love with Trishell, but she was too busy being a lush and gettin' it on with everyone else in the house and in Vegas except for him. Trishell also came out on VH1's The Surreal Life and got it on with the guys there too. This dude has come on the Real World/Road Rules Challenges and is one of the "nice guys". A total sweetie!

When all was said an done we ended up at the VooDoo lounge at the very top of the Rio and had a blast dancing the night away. We had a great time.

The next morning Teen Barbie and Cabana Boy inform us that while partying at Club Moon/The Playboy Club they saw Gwen Stefani and her old No Doubt Crew plus enterouge waltz right in after her concert performance to their own V.I.P. section. Then minutes later, Paris Hilton, Nikki Hilton, and her crew walked in as well. Paris was making out with some guy by the end of the night. They didn't know for sure who he was but he looked familiar.

All in all the trip was a blast. It's hard to believe we were just there in December!