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Stinky Feet
Damn you fungus feet! Damn you to hell. To HELL I say.
I mean, WHY ME? WHY?????? Why couldn't it have been YOU Bob? Not my Itchie (feet.)
It all started last week when I noticed my feet were kinda flaky on a little tiny section on the left side of my right foot. I naturally assumed it was a good ol' case of dry skin so I put lotion on before I went to bed and thought nothing of it.
I woke up the next day and it looked better so I forgot all about it.
Until the next night. AGAIN with the dryness and flaky skin. I applied lotion again but then this time I found some cotton socks and slept with them on.
I keep doing this but it just seems to get worse and worse. NOW it's also graced the presence of my LEFT foot. Not around the toe area and there is no itchiness to speak of so still..
I'm thinking it's NOT athletes foot, right? I mean, I've had STINKY FEET before so I know what athlete's foot is. Remember my stinky feet story?
Anyways.. this weekend Mr. Twinkie and I were watching a movie downstairs while the boys watched their t.v. upstairs. Well, then Mr. Twinkie decided to take the kids to the store for ice cream.
Cool dad, right? Except for dad forgets he's lactose intolerant. So he eats his Cherry Garcia then a few minutes later it starts.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT
He farted. I didn't flinch, I didn't say anything. I mean after all, when you live in a house with all boys and only one other girl you're kinda used to that type of behavior. I simply got up, turned the ceiling fan on and opened the window.
UNTIL... a few minutes later Big Mickey decides to join us and sits with daddy on the big couch. See, I'm hogging up the little couch as I'm laying on it.
Well, this puts Big Mickey's feet directly to the right of me. Right in my face, pretty much.
That's when it happened. I smelled it. HOLY SMOKES BATMAN! His feet STINK.
BAD!
I say something and we all start laughing. In the meantime, Mr. Twinkie let's out another one. WHOA!
We were watching Reign Over Me with Adam Sandler and it was really a great movie and I figure I could tough out the stank just until the movie is done right? But I couldn't.
All I could think of is how my taste buds and my nose were getting a big huge whiff of STINKY FEET and ass and I could feel my skin melting off my already dry flaky body from all that lethal gas and my lungs were closing in on me from all that foot fungus and I started gagging and sweating and my life started flashing before my very eyes as I could feel all the energy drain out of me from those dangerous fumes.Then I started getting dizzy and then the movie just seemed like the longest freaken movie in the history of all movies and when the HELL WAS IT EVER GONNA END!
"OH GOD!" I cried. "I can't stand it anymore! FEET AND ASS. It's feet and ass and I just can't take it anymore!"
Big Mickey and Mr. Twinkie, proud of their manly accomplishment gloated as I gave up and walked away. Defeated.
Them? Victorious. Triumphant. And giggling like little school girls because they managed to stink up the room and run me off and away looking for the nearest bomb shelter.
Anyways, this has nothing to do with my athlete's feet except for after I went upstairs I started thinking about my own feet and the skin basically melting off and I figure it's because of Big Mickey.
We must be sharing athlete's feet. He got the stank. I got the eating away of the skin.
So off I go tomorrow to buy fungus spray, powder, and cream.
Damn you to hell, foot fungus! DAMN YOU TO HELL!