About Twinkie
Member Since:
04/30/2007 - 09:49
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12/31/1969 - 16:00
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An Elephant Ate My Twinkie
I opened my eyes this morning only to be greeted by a ray of sunlight shining brightly through my crimson red curtains. Normally this would foreshadow a sign of a great day ahead but not today.
The sun was too bright. My body hurt like I’d been in a train wreck. My fingers felt so brittle with pain radiating through all the way to my fingertips. I felt as if I made a complete fist my hands would fall apart.
Even so I forced myself up with every ounce of energy I was able to muster up and turned on the shower.
I didn’t bother looking for something to wear. It was too painful even to walk. Much less try and think about what matches, what needs ironing, what shoes go with what. I figured once I let the hot water relax my muscles a bit and woke fully from the oh-so-fresh-scent of my body wash I’d be in better condition to pick out what I’d be wearing that morning.
I started doing my morning stretches while the water turned into just the right temperature. Very HOT, almost too hot to the touch, then I jumped in the shower.
As my morning went on I knew it was gonna be one of those days. But I thought, “You know what would be great right now? What would turn my morning around a little bit? What would get me out of this funk? A quick morning sugar fix.”
I smiled then reached for a donut from the dozen Mr. Twinkie had bought the day before but they were all gone. Gah!
“No problem,” I thought. “I’ll just run to the store and get myself a Twinkie, or a Zinger.”
I drove down the street then hit a wall by the high school where the crowded street of parents rushing off last minute to drop off their kids and still make it to work in time can ruin anybody’s mood.
I avoided a couple of car accidents from those same impatient parents who have the “I own the road” mentality and finally made it to the store.
I chose Zingers this morning and a Starbucks bottled coffee from the refrigerated drinks section and went up to pay. The lady looked as grumpy and tired as me so I decided to make us both smile.
“Good morning!” I said with groggy eyes and the most cheerful voice I could muster up.
Her eyes lit up immediately, thankful for the early morning kindness.
“Good morning!” she replied!
“I love your necklace! It’s sooooo pretty!” I added. She had a gold chain with some sort of colorful charm, an elephant maybe? It was different. But pretty.
“Thank you!” she cheerfully responded.
I gave her my bank card and her smile faded. Oh Oh. My smile faded too.
"I hope she doesn't ask for my pin number because I don't remember it." I think to myself.
“Debit?” she asked?
“No, credit, please” I quickly responded, fearing and knowing what her answer was going to be. The answer that was going to turn my morning back into the shitty one it started out being. The morning where not only do I hurt in every inch of my body, even my hair follicles ached, but I also wasn’t going to get my sugar fix.
If I could just have a little bit of a comfort snack it would turn my whole day around. Or at least that’s what I convinced myself. My brain is conditioned to think of sugar as my comfort blanket. My teddy bear. My crack cocaine. My heroin.
Yes, sugar is my vice.
Sugar makes my body hurt less. If I’m sad, sugar makes me smile. If I’m mad, sugar calms my nerves. If I’m happy, sugar takes me to a state of nirvana. If I’m indifferent, sugar makes me care.
I could see her lips forming as if I was in a movie, slowly. You know, when something bad is about to happen and every thing goes in slow motion.
“Sooooooorrrrrrrrrry. Weeeeeeee doonnnnn’t take CREDIT,” she said. Her voice sounded evil as if she was gonna slit my throat that very minute. Her kind eyes immediately turned bright red. She looked possessed. In my mind she quickly turned into an unrecognizable and evil monster.
One with three bloody red evil eyes and she’s riding a brightly colored elephant monster covered in a gold body shield and if the monster doesn’t kill me, she will. She will beat my head with that debit machine and when my brain is oozing out of my ears she will laugh at me and wonder why I don’t know my pin number. That pin number could have saved my life or at least my day but no. Alas, no pin number to be found.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo!
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooo!!!
WHY WHY WHY WHY??????
I felt angry, betrayed. Annoyed, even. Who doesn’t take credit nowadays. I mean seriously? Get with the times lady! You and your stupid elephant necklace. Who the hell wears a gold elephant anyways.
What the EFF?
By then it was too late to go to another store and still make it to work in time. Oh well. Maybe this was God’s way of saying my big ass doesn’t need any sugar this morning.
*Or that I need to remember my pin number?
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Comments
My friend brought me some zingers AND twinkies later too. whoooo hoooo. I have a feeling I'm gonna need them in the morning. she's sooooo sweet!!!
comments left on bakotopia.com:
Aww that sucks! I've never even heard of a place accepting debit and not credit, it must be some oooold school place ha ha. This was my day yesterday, I woke up feeling great but that feeling quickly went away. I drove by KFC and thought yum potato wedges sound great so I went through the drive thru ordered a meal that came with potato wedges which was on the picture outside. Drove off almost got to work opened it and they put french fries in it wtf!? French fries and wedges 2 totally different things. And they forgot my biscuit! Anyways so I drove aaall the way back yelled at them to take that picture outside down because it was misleading. I felt bad afterwards, but I'm still craving potato wedges, maybe I'll go buy some today. If you didn't live all the way in PV I would bring you some Zingers :)
posted by twinkie on Oct 22, 2008 at 11:07 AM
Aww, thanks.
Actually after that I also got road raged by this biznatch on her cell phone that wasn't paying attention at the pedestrians crossing and was honking at me to get through the intersection. I came to work and told my coworkers how I almost had to get out of my car and shank-ah-ho. So one of them quickly offered to go buy me a Zinger since she was on her way to run an errand anyways.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. All better now! :)
They have french fries at KFC now?! Damn geena, the world is completely going to pot!
I so know the feeling of wanting something really really bad and going to great lengths to get it (rushing not to be late to work, putting up with annoying drivers and kids mobbing across a street, eek!) then BOOM - it's taken away from you. Argh! Twinkie, I'm glad you got your zinger, and Josey - they totally should have apologized and given you some free wedges!
posted by msjosey on Oct 22, 2008 at 01:01 PM
Oh thats good Twinkie! And it was one of those KFC's that had an A&W attached to it, I think that's wear the got the fries. They NO longer even carry wedges pssshh!