About Twinkie
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04/30/2007 - 09:49
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12/31/1969 - 16:00
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My Favorite Christmas
We’re snuggled tight under fuzzy warm blankets while watching Desperate Housewives when Annequin asks, “Mom? Tell me what year was your favorite Christmas.”
I stay quiet, processing this question because the older the kids get, the more I realize that these questions are very important and they will remember the answers forever.
I also stay quiet, fearing what I know to be true. That if I ask him when his favorite Christmas was, it’s going to involve heartache because it’s the type of Christmas we will never be able to have again.
A Christmas that is gone forever unless you count all the memories still freshly embedded in our minds.
“Why don’t you tell ME when your favorite Christmas was? Then I’ll tell you mine,” I choose to respond.
“Why, baby?” I ask, once again already knowing the answer.
“Because that was the last Christmas that Gramma Cindy was alive! Remember when.... ” he's giddy as he recalls all the fun Christmasses at Grammas not knowing how hard she worked at making sure they were special.
We always went to her house as early as 6am sometimes to open gifts. Nana would make tamales and we'd have tamale and eggs. We sat around and talked, watched tv while the kids played with their new gifts.
Gramma Cindy knew a LOT of people and considered each one family and it always showed during the holidays as they'd trickle in all throughout the day. Their neighbors, childhood friends, new friends.. the list was endless.
“Yeah, I remember.” It’s all I could muster up without letting on that I’m crying inside.
I try to lighten the mood up by asking fakely excited, “HEY remember all the gifts? And how we couldn’t even WALK in the room because there were so many? Gramma went crazy with gifts during Christmas, hu?"
He laughs. He remembers. Oh boy, does he remember!
“I miss her!” he says.
“I miss her too baby,” I answer. We hug each other tighter and I wondered in silence if Christmas would ever be the same again.
Comments
That's how I feel too, Teresa. She passed away about a month before ALL of her kids had babies. YES! That Easter all of her kids announced to her that they were pregnant. (Except for me) Those four granddaughters were born within a month from each other.
I think I feel more sad for those girls because they will never know how awesome of a gramma they had. She would spoiled them to pieces just like she spoiled my kids.
At least my boys have memories to hold on to. All the other grandkids will only have pictures and stories.
Hi, Twinkie!
It's me, Teresa! What a touching holiday story -- even though it can be sad to miss someone special, especially at Christmas -- and it's very sweet and commendable how you talked to your son about this subject. Parenting can be so "live & learn" at times, but now you've passed on a great way to handle kids' difficult questions. With two boys of my own, I get those hard to respond without crying kinds of inquiries once in a while, too. Sometimes it's because they are being so cute & so young & I get melancholy
I, too, had a very, very special Nana. She lived in New York for many years, but always spent most of the summer with us at our house. I loved those summers. Then it became hard to have Christmas without her, though -- so my dad and his sister (my aunt) started an annual tradition of splitting the cost of an airline ticket as their Christmas gift to their Mom/my Nana.
Those Christmases were the best of my childhood. By the time I was 13, my Nana decided to move from New York to California! We couldn't have been more happy! With my dad's help, she got an apartment less than 2 miles from our house -- so we got to see her quite often. When she would come to our house, I would beg & beg that she stay for dinner, even though she didn't really like to drive at night. She would stay, though, and that was always a favorite time, too. I can still hear her calling me "Honey Pot."
By the time I got my driver's license at 16, I loved to surprise Nana by stopping at her place on my way home from some where -- I would sometimes bring her one of her favorite treats: black licorice & pistachio ice cream were her REAL favorites!
Nana passed away when I was 24 -- I had moved to Bakersfield the year before & mostly only got to talk to Nana by phone, but still see her at Christmas when I'd go home. How I wish she would have had just a few more years on this Earth -- the year after she died, I got married; the year after that, I had my first son. She was so close to living long enough to have shared those milestones with me, but I am a very firm believer that she did. What God would prevent a beautiful, kind, loving person he made not be able to share in her oldest grandaughter's joys??
So I'm quite certain Nana knows about the family I started & about my accomplishments -- I inherited her talents in the subject of English & composition, which led to my writing/editing career — and I also know that she spends the holidays with me in spirit.
And that is the best Christmas gift of all ...
OMG! That's funny. And the rest of the song could go, "You can say that he's no Joe Montana! But in his head, somewhere, he believes!" Ha Ha!
What a wonderful story.. I am certain our great-grandaughter Ella will have some memory of her Grandmother Peg, when she recovers. But at age 3, not many Christmas' passed. And her brother Lincoln, won't ever even have known her. Sad, but Merry Christmas to you.
whew now you got me crying,.. I think of my beautiful lil boy all of 2 almost 3 in 1999,..I think that was a bitter sweet Christmas for me. It was the year I left I had moved to a place with my sister and we decided to split the rent. I worked so much then Zachary didn't even know I had moved out. That's not to say I wasn't with him always. Two jobs and the second one with the county in the evening editing Board tapes allowed me to take him with me back then. That was the bitter part,.the feeling I had to leave. The sweet part? It was that he wanted me to play with him on Christmas day with his presents he had gotten,....from the year before. Not the butt load of NEW presents Daddy could finally afford this year. He sensed something was different this Christmas I think. I think he wanted the Christmas of the year before,..where things were more normal and more loving..
I did all I could to make it that way. Looking back I think knowing what i know now, I would have stayed at any cost. Any,..had I been told I would be stoned and stabbed daily,..i would have stayed only if I know I could come home to my son at the end of the day,..everyday. I've only gotten to see my son since he was 5 years old every other weekend , due to her moving my son to Tehachapi Before I was with him daily. 26 weekends out of the year. Works out to 338 weekends from age 5 up to 18. And up to 156 up to date. No much in terms of being with a child every day.
They remember,.yeah they remember the good times and the bad. Your children's Grama. Zach's Grandfather 's battle and eventual death due to Mesothelioma. Zach sure loved his Grandfather on his mom's side. My parents never got to see my son. Zach and Jim had a special bond and he remembers it all with Grampa the good days and the hard days.
i know that feel you feel.
I love reading your blogs. They are always so touching or so dang funny. Speaking of Christmas stories. I remember when my grand uncle Jerry played Santa one year. He was passing out gifts, I mean like literally passing them like he was a quaterback! He would say "HO, This is for Donniiiii..... MERRY XMAS! HO HO HOOOO!" and chuck it to you. He threw one at grandma and hit her in the head. I'm just glad the gift was a small box. It was classic! That what happens when you come from a family of dorks. Just wanted to lighten the moment. =)
gramps, She'll remember the stories of her that you guys will share with her when she's recovered. Some of my best memories of my grandmother I only remember because my mom would share them with us when I was a little girl.
Joe, that's a moving story. Thanks for opening up like that.
LomeIEZ, thank you very much for the compliment and thanks for the story! Your family sounds like a lot of fun. I love it! Poor gramma! hehehe. HEY that could be a new song... move over Gramma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.. now we have Gramma got tackled by Uncle Jerry Claus